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Movie Review: The Train Wreck of “I’m Still Here”

I got to see the preview of I’m Still Here last night, another in a long list of reality, documentary, “real life” stories on film. So it’s shot with a handheld video and is grainy and old looking, as well as bad to incomprehensible sound quality in parts. Just like Blair Witch Project and all those other made-to-be-real stories. But it’s a documentary, sort of. Joaquin Phoenix, the star, or anti-star, of this documentary was filmed by brother-in-law Casey Affleck. Now in a way it’s unfortunate that Affleck let the cat out of the bag so early that in fact this is a mockumentary and not really Phoenix’s plummet into eccentric weirdoness. We sincerely hope–though stars going crazy, or doing too many drugs or booze is an old story and Phoenix seems to have had his brush with this in the past.

Joaquin as crazed hip-hop wannabe (from x17online.com)

In some ways, this reminded me of the documentary Exit Through the Gift Shop, which had grainy handheld images by a novice videographer, for part of it. But let’s look at I’m Still Here as if it were being filmed as a true documentary. First, if Casey Affleck was revealed as the director at the beginning we then have to wonder, why does an actor with money and names at his disposal decide to use the lowest level of technology available to make this film about his brother-in-law? Only because it will look more like reality, but already I’m suspicious because it’s not some no name Joe and at least the filming should be a little more even, and the framing and sound better. That’s my first raspberry to the film.

Let’s not forget that for Affleck’s directorial debut it does keep production values and costs pretty minimal, and producing a film can be very very expensive. Not to mention paying those high price actors of which Joaquin Phoenix is one. But hey, he’s in on it and he’s Affleck’s brother-in-law and we know the Affleck boys are talented. So let’s do this badass hoax.

Phoenix, as always, is such a consummate actor that he’s believable as the tripped out, pot-smoking, coke-snorting, beer-drinking crazoid who wants to give up acting and become a hip-hop artist. However…through this increasing train wreck of two years, Joaquin gets fuzzier with a big untrimmed beard, uncombed hair, massive sunglasses held together by duct tape, sometimes a torn toque or shirt on his head and generally a slovenly appearance that radiates negative sex appeal. I kept wondering if they put a fat suit on him but it looks too real as he gains weight. Now there are many actors who have put on weight, starved themselves or gotten buff to play a role and I don’t doubt that Phoenix would do this.

However, I find it unbelievable that anyone who actually cared for the man, including presumably his brother-in-law and a sister somewhere (or the brief cameo of his father) would let a man slide for so long without wanting to stage an intervention, and that Affleck would put that in the video. Phoenix is crazed,  he’s drugged, he mumbles, he rants and is basically so fucked up that he’s unappealing to anyone but the sycophants/aids/assistants who are paid to follow and help him. But no one, not publicist nor marketing people nor agents ever say, “What the hell? You need serious help.” They just let him ride and let him slide, and that to me is unbelievable and missing from this mockumentary, hence making it a noticeable fake documentary.

As for the film itself, well there are funny moments because Joaquin is so crazed and the way he dresses so bad (because we know he’s a famous star) that you just have to laugh. His home doesn’t look anything like what a star would live in and seems half unpacked with his assistants living in bare bedrooms with no pictures on the wall and only a single size bed (also unbelievable–no one can love him that much). So yeah we laugh at his crazy looniness and at the lame-ass attempts at hip-hop, which, because the sound is never mastered in any way is hard to hear at times.

But those amusing moments don’t warrant a nearly two-hour film. It’s slow and drags and whereas Exit Through the Gift Shop moved along, had tension, humor, drama and a good story on several levels, I’m Still Here falls flat. So flat in fact that I kept trying to see what time it was when I wasn’t closing my eyes. An hour would have been long enough to document this style of train wreck life, whether real or not. Some judicious cutting would have helped.

If Casey Affleck hadn’t revealed that it was a mockumentary so quickly I’m sure that the critics would debate its veracity for months, (and more people would see the film) but probably Joaquin Phoenix is truly worried that people will believe it and that his movie career will plummet. Plus, he’s gotta get back in shape now. But like the phoenix Joaquin is named after, I’m sure this star will rise higher and that the only truly good thing in this film was the caliber of his acting.  As for Casey Affleck’s directing, well, with the right money and people in the right place, I know I could do as well if not better. I’d only give this film four stars out of ten. Watching my cat groom itself is about on par for the excitement in this film.

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Fashion Nightmares: Baggy Bottom Pants

I’m hugely grumpy today so instead of whinging about my problems and the mean people out there I’m gonna bitch about fashion. Along with people that spit everywhere, one of my other pet peeves are the baggy bottom britches.

I’m not just talking about a person whose butt shape doesn’t match that of their jeans. Some people are just buttless and can’t fill out the space. Others, like me, have more than enough but always have extra waist on the pants. I’m talking about those homey boy pants, those misfits of fashion that started out as what, taking grandpa’s pants? Of course, all anti-fashion, such as the original punk movement, becomes fashion and affectation. Hip hop or gangsta pants were just that, starting as hand-me-downs and emulating poor, thug or prison culture.

Woo, that’s what I want to look like, a poor slob. Granted some of this came out of true poverty and humble beginnings, it took on a new life. There are those that argued to ban these fashion nightmares (which they tried in some State) would be racial profiling but I live in a predominantly white and Asian metropolis and it’s the white homies wearing  the pants. They usually have ‘tude all over their face, which I guess you need if you’re going to wear something so ludicrously fugly and impractical.

I mean, face it: thug culture. Not likely that these thugs would be attacking you if their pants kept falling down and inhibiting their fast retreat. Baggy pants did change from the giganto waistband that let them slip off of narrow boy hips. The legs stayed baggy but the waistbands tightened up. I guess guys got tired of hitching up their pants every time they took a step. There is nothing less attractive than showing your boxers in whatever disrepair. They’re not attractive, not sexy and I don’t give a rat’s ass how much you might have paid for them. Oh, there is one thing more hideous, the butt crack. Sorry, not attractive on women either, not lurking above ill-fitting jeans and bulging out of underwear.

The worst offender of the supposedly baggy, sagging pants fashion was a wannabe homey, wearing his tight T-shirt and his long shorts worn low on the hips. They weren’t that baggy so perhaps he was emulating the more recent hip-hop trends. But lo and behold, his briefs weren’t, and were there to be seen, worn right up to the waist, in bright bright red and a good six inches showing. It was actually hilarious. Threatening? No. Tuff? No. Just absolutely ridiculous.

Besides the one benefit of guys in baggy bottoms not being able to run from a robbery, there are few benefits. That particular hip-hop/gangsta image overall is now outdated, but outmoded fashions never really go away. No matter how goofy I can see how baggy, loose jeans work for skateboarding , if you find it uncool to wear track pants or yoga pants. (Are you crazy, lady? Who in their right mind would be caught dead wearing yoga pants on a board?) Yeah, crazy. Until someone decides it’s the coolest fly anti-fashion and starts the next trend.

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