Tag Archives: divorce

Tiger Woods, Tiger Woods, Oh My God, Tiger Woods!

You would think by all the hullabaloo, the prime time furor and general gossip that no one ever ever ever has cheated before. Certainly not those famous people, our modern gods: rock stars, movie stars and sports stars.

I don’t read the paper or watch TV but do listen to enough radio news (daily) to be up on current affairs. So when I’m being inundated with Tiger Woods this and Tiger Woods that, you know it’s hit a high saturation point in the media.

Past Canadian Prime Minister Pierre Trudeau once said that “The state has no business in the bedrooms of the nation.” And likewise, the media has no business in the bedrooms of individuals. You would think we lived in a puritan world where every marriage is sacred until death do they part, with fidelity the center, and love binding everyone close. You would think there wasn’t a divorce rate at about 50% for first marriages (higher for subsequent marriages) in North America.

You would think that every two couples who read the news would be mum or offer no comment because probably one of them is cheating. Not all divorces mean people cheat but infidelity is the number one reason for divorce. So why does everyone care about yet another celebrity caught with his pants down and another woman involved? Because, like the rubber neckers that have to stop and stare at every accident, we revel in the misfortune of others, in the dirt and the downfall of the mighty. Because we’re petty and we want to see those more successful than us fail so that we can say they’re no better than us. Of course, if it wasn’t for media and the population putting these people on pedestals in the first place, their indiscretions would not matter as much.

When it was reported that Kennedy had an affair with Marilyn Monroe it titillated somewhat but that might have been after the fact. With Clinton’s blow job or not from Monica Lewinsky, the US government spent millions investigating it, yet polls showed the majority of the public didn’t give a damn. That Tiger Woods is taking  a break from pro-golf over this is frankly, ridiculous. What does his personal life have to do with his professional life, unless he’s an emotional wreck and can’t play? If he could still play, being caught in coital indsicretions shouldn’t matter. I don’t care if he runs around in pink panties and oinks like a pig. What matters is that he plays golf. Now, overall I don’t care one iota about golf, and I equally don’t care about Mr. Woods’ private life.

But what gets me over and over again is that anytime some famous personage has been found to be doing something naughty everyone titters and gasps and is “SHOCKED.” And yet the two-faced standard is that most of those who are aghast have the same indiscretions. And really, can it even be helped when most ads for everything from clothing to booze use sex to sell these items. All you have to do is look at a billboard or a magazine to see women and men in provocative poses with sexy pouts upon their faces. You’ll be popular, you’ll have sex, the beautiful people will loooove you if you buy this product.

Does this mean we live in a culture of loose morals? To the true fundamental puritan types, yes. But it doesn’t mean those people lead any happier of a marital life. It’s just their culture might not allow divorce or for a person to have frequent sex or for anyone to be trained in how to give sexual pleasure. In all cultures and cases, whether people of fame, infamy or unknown to anyone but their friends, what happens in the bedroom should be of concern only to those in the bedroom (barring of course abuse) and anyone they’re in a partnership with.

The biggest culprit in all this is the media, creating a frenzy, and chewing over Tiger’s life, sharks in bloodied waters. It is voyeuristic in the extreme and all the “in-depth looks” at Tiger’s life, wife, mistress, the sordid interviews, the speculation should just be stopped so that we can get to real news. If the media is tittering over infidelity, then they should turn the spotlight on themselves and ask why they have such a kinky, unhealthy and unwholesome interest in his life.

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Incest, Betrayal and Genetic Sexual Attraction

CBC Radio today had a program talking about Genetic Sexual Attraction and how there was a certain need with some people who shared genetic material to be more than just brother-sister, father-daughter, mother-son, and take it into sexual fulfillment. This raised my hackles, because I was victim of incest.

I have never hidden the fact that my father abused me and when my parents divorced when I was 12, that I never saw my father again. He died two years ago and it was nothing but a relief. Stating this will probably cause some grave repercussions with my family members. But my father was never made to pay for what he did. Why, is a complicated matter, which I can’t get into. To say I hated my father would be an accurate description of my emotions.

Two years ago two people betrayed me, in separate situations. I was absolutely devastated and depressed by this erosion of trust. I came to realize that part of the reason the betrayals knocked out my foundations was because the first betrayal of trust happened when I was four, with my father. I did not necessarily understand cultural moires and taboos at that time but I knew it was wrong and that I felt uncomfortable with what he did or tried to do. I’m sure that set up certain patterns in my conditioning.

One aspect of that conditioning is that I am absolutely, adamantly against incest and am disgusted by the thought of it. I read a fiction novel a year or so ago (The Blood of Angels by Stephen Gregory, winner of the Somerset Maughm award) about a man who in the course of the book becomes attracted to and consummates his relation with his sister. His life becomes more of a shipwreck to disastrous, horrific endings. It was a riveting book, well written, compelling and making no judgment but letting the tale tell itself. I was intrigued and felt both repulsion and compassion for the characters. That’s the sign of a good writer who can delicately pull in the reader’s emotions.

So I try to look at some things through other’s eyes. But there are strong taboos against such ideas as incest or sexual relations with family members. Yet, some cultures supported incest, such as the ancient Egyptians who kept their royal bloodline within the family, brother marrying sister and even the gods practiced incest. But then many gods did, such as the Greek and Roman ones, keeping divine within the group and then spreading it amongst select mortals.

The physiological problems of incest is of course inbreeding. But more, this program talked about a genetic attraction, which was stated as a normal thing. I did not hear all of the program but I question “normal.” What is normal is that most humans have a range of thoughts that can encompass taboo subjects, such as murder, suicide, indulgences, crimes, incest. What is not as normal is that most people do not act upon taboo thoughts.

There is a GSA site, http://www.geneticsexualattraction.com/ which is supposed to be a support group for people in this situation. It stringently says this is for biologically related people who are mutually attracted where there was no “power over” (my quotes, not theirs) the other. Barbara Gonyo, who started the site, states that it is support on a subject that to most is:

1. misunderstood
2. shocking
3. to some unbelievable
4. taboo to society.

And…However, GSA is:

  • NOT an incest site as we have always understood the subject of incest
  • NOT a place to fantasize
  • NOT for incest victims of childhood abuse or their abusers
  • Not a porn site

That is a good thing to know and I believe there are some very conflicted people who must hide the relationships they have embarked upon. One member of the site stated that she wished people would leave them alone because they’re not hurting anyone. And in essence, this is a fundamental belief of mine, that a person can do what they wish as long as it doesn’t hurt others.

But part of me thinks, having read a few messages on the site, that people are looking for justification for their acts, that they “are not alone” and therefore it’s okay. Maybe it is. But then I read about a mother and son who were caught kissing by her husband, or by two siblings who get together and requite their relationship from time to time even though one or the other is married to someone else and I can’t help but wonder about the aspects of right and wrong and how those boundaries have been breached. Not one of these people mentions the aspect of just plain ole cheating in what they’re doing. It seems that because they already have a special taboo relationship of  “genetic sexual attraction” that this negates all other things, relationships and constrictions of trust.

What does it matter if a sister cheats with her brother on her husband when her brother is just family? It is a love so strong, an attraction so deep that it matters most of all. Yet, people have felt these attractions throughout the ages and most not for their family members. And, throughout history, marriages have ended when a new attraction began. That, is in fact, human nature.

I’m not a psychologist so all that I’m stating here is just my opinion and obviously I’m biased. But I just feel that there is a matter of self-control and restraint that is overridden by these people. Yes, that happens to people who are not genetically related as well. But letting it come between an existing relationship is indulgent. I don’t condone cheating either. I would hazard that in some cases, where two family members have been reunited after a long separation (as in adoption), that there just might be a strong psychological need for that belonging and love of the biological parent or sibling that had been missing throughout life. It doesn’t have to be acted upon sexually but seems it sometimes is.

Is it right? Not by most cultures’ standards. Is it hurting anyone? Only if someone is in an existing relationship and cheating. Or if they have a child because it increases the risk of genetic abnormalities for that child. Do I like it? Absolutely not. I fear that if this was too openly accepted as one of the norms, that we would see people saying, why oh yes, we have always loved each other. But in fact there would be the brainwashing of say, a sibling by a parent over years, and in fact a power over that would keep the one member in line, believing this was normal and of mutual acceptance. Case in point, there are the religious groups who believe a man can have numerous wives and marry them as young as 14, when those young girls can be influenced and brainwashed that this is what they want and that they always have wanted, knowing no other life.

I caution against believing that this genetic sexual attraction is normal and should be acted on. Often there are still repercussions for relations and of course the pressure of society can be great. But maybe I’m missing some crucial aspect. I’m waiting to be convinced.

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