Tag Archives: discipline

Spanking: Discipline or Abuse?

There is debate going on about whether spanking should be abolished and made a criminal offence. Disciplining a child will result in no physical contact (the other extreme is that some schools are banning hugging…WTF). CBC Radio One interviewed a couple of advocates (for and against spanking) earlier this week, which included a human rights advocate in Sweden. The woman (a lawyer I believe) gave the instance of a woman whose daughter often ran away from home. When the girl was brought in by police she said she was afraid to go home because her mother might hit her.

After going home, she sassed her mother (according to this lawyer) and her mother smacked her across the face. The girl went to the police the next day with a red handmark on her cheek. The lawyer said she was so light-skinned anything showed on her face. This lawyer was for the mother. Not exactly a good advocacy for keeping corporal punishment. Light skinned or not, if a hand impression is still visible the next day it means that person was hit with undue force. The girl may have had a well-founded fear.

There are people who use no physical discipline on their children, instead withholding treats or doing timeouts and sending them to their rooms. For most children this is effective and they will obey the authority of the parent at this level. However, there will be a small percentage that may go against all of these forms of discipline, requiring a spank.

There are people who use spanking as a form of discipline, giving their child a smack on the butt, especially if they’re having tantrums. And who of us has not watched the tantrum child in a mall and thought the kid a monster? I have also felt sorry for the parent, embarrassed by their child’s behavior but afraid to spank because of ridicule, and stuck with the willful petulance of children.

There are those people who beat their children. These may include slaps across the face, spankings until welts or bruises show, and other forms of physical abuse. These people may think they’re using reasonable force or they may be out of control for some reason.

The debate is that a child who is physically disciplined does worse in school or has a lower IQ. I can’t imagine the genius I would have been if I wasn’t spanked. (note that intelligence doesn’t always equate with wisdom or success) I turned out a fairly law-abiding citizen with a couple of degrees. However, there were other repercussions.

Here is what discipline looked like in my family. Being spanked with wooden spoons: my younger brother was the only one devious enough to hide them. Being spanked with a leather belt (there was a stropping belt for a straight-edge razor which may have been a little softer than a real belt). Being spanked, okay beaten, with a thin (one-inch diameter), hard green rubber hose/tube. Being smacked across the face. These disciplinary actions only cover the physical ones. The results were bruises, welts and bleeding noses. The last time I was smacked I was sixteen and my mother gave me a bleeding nose and broke my watch (I stopped wearing watches for many years after that).

Some of these disciplines were for perceived infringements against parental authority. Some were for actual ones. However, I can’t remember one childhood crime, only the punishment. Besides the physical marks that healed, there were the emotional/psychological ones. Those were much more long lasting but are so mixed with other dysfunctions of the family it would definitely take an expert to unravel which abuse caused what problem.

My siblings and I survived. But there are many rifts in the family from those forms of corporal punishment. Was it reasonable force? In most cases, no. Most of us avoided a life of crime though not all of us even finished high school. Do I think parents should be allowed to spank their children?

Maybe, but I think that as long as “reasonable force” is left part of the law, a parent will interpret that to suit their way. Hitting anywhere but on the butt should definitely be banned. And really, there are many people who have lived with timeouts and have grown up to be quite healthy, functioning members of society. What is needed is balance. The good parents will be able to discipline their children without undue force. The bad parents will use it because they lack the skills and coping mechanisms of being a parent. Training parents wouldn’t be a bad course of action, just like prenatal classes.

All in all I’m not for force. I have the memories. But I have also seen a few children who are beyond control. Sometimes there are personality defects. Sociopaths and psychopaths are born, not created later. But in those cases parents should be seeking help. So to spank? Only as a very last resort, after having taken classes on child discipline.

 http://www.cbc.ca/canada/story/2009/07/31/f-spanking-discipline-debate.html#socialcomments

3 Comments

Filed under crime, Culture, family, health, home, memories, people, security

Fashion and Discipline

Back in the bloom of my youth I went to a typical high school and dressed like a typical teenager. That involved a lot of jeans and T-shirts. Alberta had a junior high school system as well, which covered grades 7-9. It was fairly conservative and run by a principal reviled by most, Archie Wilcox. He was known for being draconian and supposedly had influence in getting his job through a brother on the school board. He was so nasty that at one time his tires were slashed and this was in a day before people were carrying guns or even knives at school. And when he started having an affair with one of the teachers and all of the students knew about it, we laughed at him. He was not loved at all. One day he was addressing the class in his lover’s classroom and his fly was undone so we all snickered at him. He nearly blew a gasket, not knowing what we laughed at.

In this stalag (Simon Fraser Junior High) we were not allowed to wear jeans and one day my homeroom science teacher said, “I need to talk to you about your jeans.” I heard, “I need to talk to you about your genes,” and looked at him confused until he elaborated. I was wearing a pair of light blue not quite jeany material but the cut was too jean like. So I was told I needed to change.

Our homeroom in grade 9 had a rep for being bad and unruly. I’m not sure why but we were definitely feisty (maybe it was one of our boys who slashed Wilcox’s tires). One day I was going down the hall, looking back over my shoulder, and ran into the doughy bosom of Mrs. Acton. She, like Wilcox, was old school, and was his right hand man from what I recall. She wore her hair in a bun, seemed always old and was built  like a battle tank matron.

She looked me over from the sharp edge of her glasses and told me to go see the principal about my top. It was what we called a pop top, sleeveless, and short. It showed about an inch of my midriff. So I went to the principal’s office where he told me I was not conforming to the dress code (or something…I don’t quite remember). I do remember saying back to him, “But this doesn’t affect our learning any,” and I repeated it, unrepentant. Wilcox bubbled a bit and I remained adamant. So I was sent home to change.

I wasn’t as knowledgeable or set in my opinions as perhaps I am now (though I like to think I’m always listening to the other side). Home was a 20-minute walk each way. I arrived home and told my mother what had happened. She agreed with me that my dress didn’t affect my learning but she made me change anyways. So grumpily I complied. (The part of this that may have also influenced her was that my sister had had problems with Wilcox–due to illnesses, I think, and my younger brother transferred to another school because of this principal. He was definitely not someone my family cared to associate with.)

In later years, I thought maybe the instructors were worried about the boys not learning if they were staring at girls in midriff tops. The truth is, that as teenagers everyone is trying on and forming their personalities and sexuality. Girls will show off their bodies if they can. People will wear what they consider sexy, especially if they’re trying to attract the opposite sex.

Now I’ve heard that some schools have banned T-shirts that portray slogans. To make it fair, they ban all slogans to be sure the racist or bigoted ones are gone too. Some ban certain tops, or jeans so low they show the butt crack or underwear, or skirts so high they show the butt. Will it affect learning in general? No. I’m all for banning racist, prejudiced and bigoted comments from a learning environment. Teenagers also like to push boundaries, theirs and others. But what about the clothing  now that I’m no longer constricted to wear, or not wear by teenagerhood, school and all that entails?

Well, I work and I’ve almost always worked where the dress code was lax (or been self-employed). When I worked in a department store we weren’t allowed to wear jeans or dresses that showed our arms (I don’t think that part lasted long). Most places, unless they’re dealing a lot with the public, don’t care if you were jeans, shorts, skirts or T-shirts as long as they’re clean, not so old they’re scruffy and torn, and decent. Decent usually means no short shorts and no bellies showing. Some places may required little to no cleavage showing. It varies depending on the profession.

But as to schools and teenagers…well, they’ve never been the epitomes of fashion. Not that some people ever grow up to have a fashion sense. Teenagers are great experimenters in all aspects of their lives. With their individualism comes trying on everything from attitude to clothing. Too many, I think fall to peer pressure but some go their own way. And should some aspects of their clothing be banned? Well, they should probably remain decent but decency in dress has to be defined. Is a skirt two inches below the butt indecent or okay? Is a top showing some cleavage or a navel fine? Fashion and styles have changed (and come around again) from when I was a teenager, but not that much.

Some of the issues are still the same. The conservative people and administrators will still see certain fashion items as wrong, slovenly or indecent. My mother always equated jeans to working on farms because it was only farmers who wore them when she was growing up.

Granted times have changed and these days there are more and more cases of guns in schools (remember I’m talking mostly Canada here–gun mileage in your area may vary) so the range of what is acceptable may have changed with more “worldly” attitudes, but I think as long as the essentials are covered, in all positions (such as bending over or walking up the stairs in a short short skirt), then teenagers should be allowed the freedom to find themselves and experiment.

Of course, I don’t have kids. I could be singing a different tune if I did.

3 Comments

Filed under Culture, fashion, life, people, sex, shopping