Tag Archives: boyfriends

Dating Site Pictures

So it’s just past that big day brought to you by Hallmark, florists and chocolate companies. I’ve never been big into it, single for a lot of it and find it contrived. On Saturday I bellydanced at a 50th birthday party, then stopped in the local watering hole for a drink or two before home. A woman was writing up a note to pass to a band member because she said she was there with her boyfriend, it was Valentine’s Day and he wouldn’t hold her hand. I kinda wondered if he knew he was supposed to and was thankful not to be in that boat.

But it got me thinking of the dating sites I’ve tried before (Okay Cupid, Plenty of  Fish, Lavalife) and the pictures men post. I wrote this up a while back but it’s still apropos to dating.

I have this word (many in fact) of advice for people:

  • Try updating those pics, or more likely your fashion sense. Giganto aviator glasses went out in the 70s or the latest, the 80s, and even if you were going to wear them, you’d need to have a way funkier wardrobe than is revealed by your pic.
  • And the moustache, gah! If you’re going to go with something that only cops wear you may as well go crazy and have handlebars on it or a Hitler style brushstroke.
  • Don’t stand like tweedle dee with your belly sticking out and your hands down by your sides. You look retarded.
  • Try getting a picture that is actually clear. A fuzzy pic in low light does you no justice. Unless you really want to defeat yourself at the dating thing before you start.
  • Having one eye doing something way weird from the other one makes you look like a psychopathic killer and although it may do to weed out the nonserious, it will also get rid of any sane thinking person too.
  • Putting a picture of a monkey, a horse, a tiger or any other wildlife is nice. But I don’t want to date them. And if I think you look like a tiger or a monkey’s ass I’m not going to want to date you either.
  • Likewise, lovely landscapes are nice but if I want to see them I’ll go for a walk. You are a landscape of flesh, eyes, nose, mouth. Show it.
  • Putting up your game geek pics (where you’re almost drooling, overly dishevelled, somewhat crazed looking) with words like “blank mindless stare” as the caption, well, hmm, you sound like too much of a winner for me.
  • Looking like you just puked over the side of the boat after downing a keg is not so attractive either.
  • Oh, and a picture of you covered in blood and gore (even if it is simulated) is just downright not gonna have me meeting you for a first date.
  • Pictures from South Park are original…for South Park. But not for you. Try your face. It’s unique.
  • A picture of your hand, or belly, or eyeball, or other lascivious body part, although of you does not tell me what you look like. And if I’m going to meet a stranger from online I want to at least know what you look like beforehand in case my body is never found. Oh, and silly me, I’m really not interested in what your dong looks like (unless it’s Adult Friend Finder where that’s what you’d expect).
  • Wearing your pagan/Dungeons and Dragons/Lord of the Rings robe for a picture might be something you wanna save until you get to know the person. Just listing you play RPGs or are a pagan should be enough.

Pictures in different types of clothes: sporty, tux, costume, can be okay as long as you show normal attire as well. Now, albeit there are some perfectly fine pics and you can enlighten with a caption. But trust me, one of the above with: “I’m a perfectly average chap,” or “I’m an outgoing guy who likes walks on the beach,” are just not going to cut it. If you go with the freakish pics, then you better be downright entertaining, erudite and interesting in your profile. Now if you don’t wanna date, no problem. I’m jes sayin’.

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Broken Hearts and Frozen Hearts

I’ve been lucky to have fallen in love, more than once even. Which of course leads to the being not so lucky to have fallen or been pushed out of love more than once, hence clearing the way for better, bigger loves. Well, not always. Each one was different.

Back in high school I dated Randy for about a year but I didn’t love him. I broke up with him because he was an alcoholic. A pretty good reason I think. I dated a few other guys and another one named Randy Davis who had the potential to be long term, except we were almost the mirror of each other. It was uncanny to the point that we knew what each other was thinking because we had the same thoughts at the same time. The problem was that we were both in the same spot, not sure if we wanted a relationship and so broke up without every actually having to say it. I still wonder what became of him.

Then there was Chuck, my first true love. We met in art college and were together about three years. I thought we’d be together forever. It was very much an in the moment thing. Problem was, he fell in love with someone else. That was like being pushed off a cliff–no soft landing. I moved to Vancouver at that point and crawled through a three-year depression. Part of that was finding my self-confidence. I’d been damaged enough that when I was with Chuck he supplied the confidence for me. Without that break-up I probably wouldn’t have grown as much, but it was still one the most painful experiences and broke me forever on pure love. It happens to most of us though.

Eventually when I crawled my way back to normalcy, I was burned and twice shy, dating but not particularly wanting a relationship. Then I accidentally fell in love, with a customer at the bookstore where I worked. I realized it when it was too late and tried to start a relationship with him. It was a disaster and I coasted close to completely losing myself in the worst aspect of my eating disorder. He was a charming rogue running across the globe to escape commitment. To this day though (we resolved things years later) I care for him even though he is half a world away, knowing that’s because it was unrequited love and therefore can remain this little pearl of what-ifs.

Then came Eric. We met through friends and were perhaps feeling a little bit like we’d never meet anyone. Really, we were ill-fated from the beginning, attracted by creativity and assaulted by some major incompatibilities. We tried for three years, with our problems mounting and communication going out the window. We finally called it quits when we had already moved far from the emotion of splitting up. We still chat from time to time many years later.

And after that, I think there was one other person who snagged my heart, who I can’t remember right now. Overall, dating became scarce, and though I still hold out hope of falling crazy head-over-heels in love I also wonder if my heart has been frozen through time. It’s been a while and the people I’m attracted to usually turn out to not be attracted to me, or not wanting to date, or are taken and that’s a road better not to walk.

Perhaps I’m living in a fairy tale, waiting for my prince to come and thaw my frozen heart, to live in bliss forever more. Well, bliss might be stretching it, since all relationships take work, time and communication. But I think relative bliss is still available. Vancouver is filled with twenty somethings, which I no longer am, and gay men, and attached men. The pool is small. But there might still be hope. Now if only I still have a heart.

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