Apocalypse Diet Summary: Days 77-81

Apocalypse Diet (AD) Day 77 (Mar. 17):

zombie, apocalypse diet, cooking, food, end of the world, eating

This is starting to look more appealing. You can buy this delectable food here.

Ach, laddy, there will be a few green zombies today, I fear. St. Paddy will have to lead them away. I actually need to recap yesterday’s dinner. I boiled up some rice noodles, which turned out to be the really thin glass noodles. I made a sauce of garlic, oil, peanut butter, soy sauce, with a chunk of coconut cream I found in the fridge. Into that I dropped the mussels and clams and made a great sauce. Not only was it tasty but it was filling. Yes, the last week has seen the portions become a little more meager and because of that I’m often feeling a bit hungry. But hey, I can stand to lose a few pounds and become less appealing to zombies.

And speaking of the fiends, it definitely felt like they were gnawing on my brain today as I fought a cold that gave me a very bad sinus headache. I didn’t eat much because of it and just ate more glass noodles with olive oil, garlic, onion and Parmesan cheese. I felt better enough to drop by my friend’s in the evening and ate a few pieces of crackers and cheese but with my taste buds under siege there was a loss of appetite.

Apocalypse Diet (AD) Day 78 (Mar. 18):

Sunday; a bit more appetite. I braved a half bowl of the roasted garlic and potato soup in the fridge. This time it sat okay in my belly but just. For supper I had a bowl of my veggie nut chile, with some of the last quinoa, Parmesan and flake yeast.

Apocalypse Diet (AD) Day 79 (Mar. 19):

Lunch was the chicken bean barley soup. You’d think with this light a diet I’d be shedding pounds, but long ago I learned my body is great at preservation. I wouldn’t have to eat anyone for a very long time if we crashed at the top of a snow-covered mountain. I’ll probably start losing more weight once I’m eating bigger portions again. Supper was the last of the quinoa with the last of the veggie chile.

Apocalypse Diet (AD) Day 80 (Mar. 20):

food, apocalypse diet, recipes, food, concoctions, beets, end of the world

Zombie age concoction. Not bad tasting but maybe it looks a bit like moldering zombie.

Day 80 but I’m not sure I’ll make it to 90 or even the end of this month. Lunch was the last of the spicy veggie peanut soup.

Supper’s new zombie age concoction was half of the last beet, a tin of tuna, capers, dill, the last of the onion, sundried tomatoes, a dried ancho chile, and some bad red wine that even zombies wouldn’t touch. All that on the last of the rice. I have to say the aroma was actually quite appealing.  And how did this concoction taste? The capers were tangy and salty against the sweetness of the beets. I tossed in two sprinkles of hot sauce as well, and mixed with the smokiness of the ancho chile this was another dish that was not bad. The tomatoes disappeared mostly into the background but added a bit of tangy and sweet. How long does it take to fry a diced beet? Half of forever, so either boil them first or be prepared to let them saute a good half hour at least.

Apocalypse Diet (AD) Day 81 (Mar. 21):

Spring is officially here and I’m still cleaning out those cupboards. Lunch was the chicken barley bean soup, which at least is filling.

apocalypse diet, baking, muffins, rice flour, potato flour, food disaster, recipes

Food fail. I concede defeat. These "muffins" are good for mortar and lobbing at zombies.

Supper; well there was some leftover zombie age concoction, so I had that. This large jar of honest-to-god Polish sauerkraut has been lurking in the fridge for years. That stuff could outlast cockroaches. It had caraway and that’s about it, so I scooped out about a half a cup and heated it. Salted cabbage. Do people really live on this stuff? The good thing is that it has 30% of my daily vitamin C and a healthy dose of iron, but seriously, I think it will outlive the diet.

And then I thought, what can I make with these jars of flour? There was a ship’s biscuits recipe that literally called for hammering the dough with a mallet and I was about to try it when a muffin book flipped open to rice flour blueberry muffins. I could make this work!

I needed 2 cups of rice flour but what I thought was rice flour was cornmeal. I had 1.5 c. potato flour and .5 c. of white flour. Tossed that in with the 4 tsp. baking powder. I mixed the 2 eggs, vanilla and 3 tbsp. olive oil (it called for vegetable oil) in a separate bowl. I didn’t have honey but used  1/2 c. of maple syrup. It’s about the same consistency, right? So I mix this all together and…get a lumpy dry mortar.

It’s been a very long time since I’ve made muffins but I know the batter should be a little moister than this. So I add water, and add water, annnnd add water, probably 2-3 cups! It’s gorpy, it’s gloppy and it’s lumpy. I folded in the berries, slightly moister than just blueberries, and then tried to drop the tenacious dough into the muffin tin. I baked it at 350 degrees, turned the heat up and baked some more. I added more water and tried a second batch baking for 60 instead of 20 minutes. Yes, forever! These things are bricks and probably only good for lobbing at zombies. Obviously, potato flour is very different from rice flour. They kind of became bread like but tasted awful.  It’s the eggs and syrup that seem the biggest waste here. Score one for the zombies.

To recap after my first month on the Apocalypse Diet, I’m pretending that an apocalypse takes place (maybe it’s a supervirus, massive alien abductions or an evil plot), which stops the supply lines (but for the sake of staying healthy and clean, the hydro-electric power and water are still working). Since the Mayan calendar actually shows the ending of one age and the beginning of another, maybe it’s now the Zombie Age (we’ve already had the consumer age).

I am documenting how long I can live on the food in my place, without shopping. Here are my rules:

  1. I cannot buy any food at all.
  2. If going out for dinner, it’s a bubble outside of the experiment. I can take home the leftovers but this isn’t a stop-gap so no ordering pizza.
  3. When I start to run out of proper nutritionally balanced foods I will take vitamins.
  4. When I become bored or am on to only condiments and alcohol, I will end my experiment.
  5. Someone can give me food, for in the post-apocalyptic world we might want to trade or eat together in safety once in a while.
About these ads

Leave a comment

Filed under Culture, entertainment, food, humor

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s