Daily Archives: January 1, 2012

The Apocalypse Begins


In the late hours of 2011 the world came to an end. Or maybe it was the New Year’s virus leaving people feeling slightly comatose, half alive and glazed for January 1. It might be that misreading of the Mayan calendar, or it could be the zombie virus, a contagion that wipes out the majority of thinking humanity; in fact, come morning traffic you’ll notice many looking glazed and unthinking as they commute to jobs that are as numbing as their minds feel. There are many reasons that the apocalypse could have come about: massive abductions by aliens, the rapture taking more than its fair share, a meteorite hitting the earth, earthquakes, hungry carnivorous beetles, you name it.

For my Apocalypse I’m going with the zombies, something that wiped out a lot of humanity, leaving infrastructure in place but stopping supply lines for food. For the sake of this scenario I”m going with electricity still working and running water available. After all, I’m only doing make-believe on the Apocalypse Diet and still have to work in the world. Going smelly and unwashed and drinking out of rain puddles would not be that healthy for me. Likewise, if I start to run low on certain nutrients I’ll be taking supplements and if there is really nothing left to eat, I’ll quit the diet.

So the Apocalypse Diet begins today. How long can I live on the food in my house without buying anything? How long before I’m bored or eating condiments and drinking alcohol? I’ll do weekly posts here summing up what I’ve been eating and what trials I’ve had.

Right now, I’m in pretty good shape. Best to start your Apocalypse Diet after the holidays when you might have a lot of leftovers. My fridge is stocked with vegetables, my freezer (only the one in the fridge) with some meats and frozen soups. I have potatoes, rice, quinoa, flour and crackers. I have eggs. The fresh foods will be the ones to go first, so stay tuned.

Today, realizing that zombies were out there, ready to eat my brains while the living have raided any stores I had a meager meal. But then I wasn’t that hungry. A large glass of egg nog, with rum, is quite filling and that nog won’t last long so it’s got to go. I had about three slices of cheese, four crackers, three olives, and two chocolates that have liqueur in them. I’m actually allergic to dairy but I can’t let anything go to waste. I’ll need all the food until civilization is restored.

In the meantime, I’m going out for dinner tonight with a friend. And since forays to restaurants don’t count on the Apocalypse Diet, this won’t either. Don’t expect to see me going to restaurants five times a week to avoid my apocalypse. I can’t afford that and have some December bills to pay off. So, no shopping for food for weeks and weeks. Does anyone care to bet how long it will take for me to break this and buy food?

In the meantime the new set of knives will come in handy, especially if the zombies break through. I wonder if zombie stew is any good. And since it’s Canada, I have no gun. Until the end of the week when I post my first summary on the Apocalypse Diet, I hope you all had a great New Year’s Eve and that zombies didn’t eat your brains. Let’s hope for a healthy, happy and peaceful new year.


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