The Apocalypse Diet

In recent weeks, there has been some focus on poverty and CBC Radio One has a special on today about it: We are the 10%. I have been there more than once and grew up in a lower middle class home, which meant I had clothes, a roof over my head and food, but there are many who don’t even have those essentials. Last week I posted a piece titled How I Almost Became a Prostitute where I talked about the terrible state of our welfare system. It degrades and humiliates; and the general public has this perception that only drug addicts, lazy and stupid people become welfare bums, when really, the system perpetuates the problem. In my article I talked about spending no money on my food and living off of what I had in the house.

It got me thinking. If the world ended tomorrow, the zombie virus took hold, the axis shifted, the bombs dropped or some other worldly apocalypse happened to cut supply lines, how long could I really survive on what I have in my home?

So, I’ve decided to start an experiment on January 1. I won’t say it’s a diet to lose weight but January is the month to tighten the belt, trim the fact, pay off the bills and think frugal. So what better way than trying to see how long can I survive on the food in my kitchen before I I have to resort to drinking alcohol and eating condiments?

If I really had no way of buying food, how long would I go before having to eat my fellow human, my cute and pudgy cat or hunt wild rutabagas? Because this is an experiment, I won’t stock up before the planned date. I’ll just go with whatever is in my place. My cat will not have to follow this regime (in case she decides to eat me). And should I go out, well, I won’t quite keep myself to this regimen in a restaurant, slavering all over my friends as they eat.  However, for lunch at work, I can only bring food from home. I’ll take supplements if I need to and record it, since I really don’t want to get scurvy.

Now, I’m predicting I’ll be fine for at least the first month. Then the veggies will run out and I’ll resort to the frozen foods. I have a fridge but no separate body-sized freezer packed with a full deer. I imagine I’ll start to get bored in the second month and by the third month I’ll be creative, and maybe crazy. But maybe I won’t last that long, because really, the apocalypse hasn’t happened and I can step outside without fear of zombies munching my toes.

I will post my results here as a diary, but I’ll probably do it on a weekly basis so as not to fill up the blog with short but inane food comments. 😉 Be prepared, the Mayan calendar ends in 2012. Perhaps I’m just foreshadowing the doom around the corner when the world ends. Stay tuned…if you can.


Filed under Culture, food, health, humor

4 responses to “The Apocalypse Diet

  1. Unfortunately for you, (I think) you are not closer to my location, as all my co-workers have plans of converging on my home location in the case that the Mayan timetable is correct, since we have 3 freezers seperate from my freezer attached to my fridge.

    They also dont all know how to get to my house so I think I will have a little time before they all show up… and yes I have those freezers for storing deer in, unfortunately at this point we have no deer in it from this hunting season, but we have a little time yet before I have to worry about the hordes finding my house.

    Good luck, I have liked you and am following your blog :-).

  2. This is your first blog post I’ve read and I can’t wait to read more about this adventure… I run this scenario through my mind a lot lately and have quite a few mouths to feed. I think we’d make it 3? months before the pets start looking appetizing but I don’t *really* know.

  3. paul woodward

    I would like to be able to say that I have soup tins packed up for armageddon, but unfortunately I haven’t.
    The romans invented central heating so we don’t get cold in the winter and some other clever chap or chapess invented supermarkets so we don’t have to go out and kill food. Or so they say? A deer in the fridge, probably more reasonable and sensible than Byron keeping a bear as a pet?
    But the Mayan thing sounds quite spooky….hooo hooo

  4. Kevin

    This article reminded me of a fellow I know from Colorado who’s a writer, storyteller, multimedia artist. The last time he was in town we met on the Drive for lunch. When the food we’d ordered was placed before us on the table he took out his smartphone, snapped a picture of it, and then explained that he was taking a picture of everything he eats for an entire year. I asked him what he planned to do with the pictures, and he said he didn’t know yet.
    ( )

    The only reason I mention this is that both his picture-taking and your article are causing me to re-think my relationship to food.

    And feel free to drop by for dinner if you’re hungry.

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