How to Bomb Out on Dating Sites

dating, love, dating sites, sex, men, chatting

Creative Commons by Motoyen (Flickr)

I’m in a state of singlehood at the moment, which some liken to being a leper while others might see as being a lion amongst a herd of gazelles. People often have different requirements on a dating site. Some want short-term dating, some long-term leading to a permanent relationship. Others want casual companions or to hook up with a bed buddy for the night. In the last situation you might start your online chat with, “Do you like it doggy style?”

But for me, there is no faster turnoff than a guy who doesn’t bother to chat about life, the universe and other intriguing things (notice I didn’t say “everything”) but instead begins with “I’m very physical. I like to cuddle/neck/be oral/snuggle/have a high libido/enjoy holding hands. What do you like?” To me, it’s rude and crass. Stick it in your profile, if you must. Often, we haven’t exchanged names yet so it’s like a guy on the street flashing open his trenchcoat.

If you met someone at a friend’s dinner party, would you start out saying, “Do you like it hard and fast or slow and soft?” Perhaps it’s suitable in some cases but in most it would be crossing a line way too soon. And without the benefit of alcohol when online (I presume here) it’s certainly a rude slap. A guy that starts with the 20 questions about sex may as well stick a picture of his penis up online as well. And if that’s all he can really think of to talk about he should just say he’s looking for sex. I couldn’t lose interest faster.

The other way to bomb in the dating field is to do another twenty questions about the age and ethnicity of guys I’ve dated. It’s one thing to know if I would date someone younger or older than me but another to want me to list their nationalities. In my bomb shelter I will hide from the barrage of such questions and wonder what the reason for asking is. If I’m willing to talk to a person younger or older and of any color it already shows I’ll likely date them. Listing every nationality or religion is bizarre.

I’d prefer not to be bombed with a multitude of questions but to trade questions and answers back and forth, even discussions about life and interests. Guys like the top two examples make me think they wouldn’t be good dating material because in one way or another they’re more hung up on sex than on relationships and on who to date by looks than just who is compatible. I do believe sex is part of a good partnership but it’s not all. If it was, I wouldn’t worry about being single or not. A great mind is more likely to get me into bed than a sex fiend is.

If you’re a guy or a woman and you think you’d like a relationship but all you can think to talk about is sex then I would suggest learning how to carry a conversation. You certainly don’t want to arrow in on the genitals in the first few chats online with someone. Unless a relationship is established, to me, it will always be crass. Those intimate questions are better left to discussions in person. If all you want is to have online sex, go for it. Just don’t bother chatting with me. Forget about love; let’s start with a decent conversation.

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4 Comments

Filed under Culture, internet, people, relationships, sex

4 responses to “How to Bomb Out on Dating Sites

  1. dcoul@rogers.com

    Unfortunately, a lot of men are juvenile pigs Colleen. However, some grow up to be real men so keep fighting the good fight.

    Sadly, too many women are up to sexually charged introductions which only adds fuel to the fire. Ironically, the best sex happens when you are intrigued by your partner’s wit, humour, intelligence, values and curiousity.

    It must get pretty boring, pretty quickly for the “sex-first crowd”.

    Darren

  2. I stopped signing up on sites cause it just became to exhausting fighting off guys. I wasn’t even looking for guys! LOL! I found my GF thru one of the Facebook Applications before they started to charge a fee.

    I have blocked more guys for saying “Do you like to suck cock?” in their first statement to me on chat sites then I have friends on Facebook! OMG of course i don’t like to anymore. They just so turned me off! Again and again and again!

    Even my ex hubby found women respond to men who are interested in other stuff. Sex only came to his mind if the two of them clicked. He is still single if your interested?! jk There is a reason we are separated! LOL!

    • colleenanderson

      No kidding. On one site some guys would post pictures of their penises. This works for the gay sites but really I don’t give a damn what a man’s penis looks like, especially if I’m just starting to chat with him. 😛

  3. laviniarain

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