Seriously, we cannot make up stuff as strange as what is already being done. I thought it was crazed enough that there are people out there bleaching their anuses (unless you’re a porn star, who cares?) but it seems a new craze(?) is urination games. This is not to be mixed up with kinky sex, for which I will not go into here. This is in fact a small field in which companies are designing games for urinals to keep men entertained while…peeing? Do we really need games in the bathroom too? There are probably many people (especially women) who text while on the can but I guess this is keeping men’s minds from wandering during their bathroom visits.
When mentioning this bizarreness last night to some friends one person said he’d had a friend in Japan who went into the men’s washroom (note: we Canadians say washroom though some of you might use water closet or bathroom) and there was a clown head with a gaping mouth in which to pee. As the guy started peeing the lights came on and started flashing. Already creeped out, this guy was even more disturbed when the head started to move left and right.
Fun house craziness? I suppose but it wasn’t at the circus. Sega, that video game designer has made some inroads into what is called”interactive urinals.”
They aren’t the only ones and shaping urinals into interesting designs has been going on awhile. While some are tacky like the giant mouths and others etheric like flower shaped urinals, China opened a giant bathroom facility (1,000 stalls) in Chongqing where some of the designs feature the Virgin Mary. Yes, China’s human rights record isnt’ very good but this seems a fairly blatant statement toward pissing on religion.
While it’s nice to have good art and overall architectural beauty, it’s another thing to go into the bizarro world of games for which you piss to win or achieve some result. One designer, Marcel Neundorfe, said that it changed urination from “more than just a necessary nuisance….” into something fun. Wow, has our world become so freaked out about alone time that we can’t even pee in peace and relative quiet. These games are aimed more at men but supposedly they have considered women who can use a cone to direct the urine stream.
What do these games do? Well one has a person peeing all over virtual graffiti until its wiped away, while another compares strength of the stream and accuracy to the person who was there before, giving points. Mannekin Pls. awards you points on hard and how much you can urinate. (See image on the left http://gadgetynews.com/sega-wee-to-take-on-nintendo-wii-in-the-smallest-room/) I can see it now.
Scene: Local bar, guys watching hockey game, chatting and drinking beer.
TOM: Oh! Damn. The Canucks should have had that.
MIKHAIL: They were doing good until they lost Luongo. (notices women looking at them from the next table and smiles) Hey, where’s Fritz?
TOM: (eyes still on screen) What? In the can I think.
MIKHAIL: Again? That’s the third time tonight. Game’s almost over. Maybe we should chat up those gals at the next table. (Tom tears his gaze from the screen. Fritz staggers in and falls into his chair. He guzzles back another beer and drunkenly waves to the waitress.)
TOM: Hey, man, maybe you should slow down. We were going to see if we could score with the chicks after the game. (nods towards the women)
FRITZ: Duuuude, you kidding. (burps loudly and grabs the next glass) I’m on a roll. About to win, jes need a bit more power. Urp!
MIKHAIL: For what?
FRITZ: The urinal game. I’m so stoked.
TOM: You’re so drunk. What do you win?
FRITZ: (eyes whirling) A good piss. (passes out on the floor. Tom goes back to watching the game. Mikhail shrugs and walks over to the women.)
Sigh, I’m just not so sure these games are the best idea even if urinating is a nuisance. A nuisance? It’s part of life, like eating, sleeping, washing, having sex. Oh wait, there are sex toys so why not uh…urination toys? Another game lets the urinator be the wind and try to blow up a woman’s skirt by the strength of the stream. Riiight. Next thing we know there will be a Pavlovian response and guys will pee every time they see a woman in a skirt.
But maybe it’s a good thing, having men aim for something while peeing. After all, with regular toilets, I’ve always asked how do men get women pregnant if they can’t accurately hit the larger porcelain hole? A woman using a men’s or unisex bathroom can find it a frightening experience. Of course the answer there is guidance systems. I’d love to say this wacky trend won’t catch on but humanity has done some pretty cuckoo stuff so I’m not so sure. Still, I imagine peeing into a chortling clown’s mouth is enough to give a few people nightmares.