There are dates and there are dates. The first is the type that you eat, that you could possibly put in a muffin. And the second is the type you do with someone, presumably someone you’re interested in.
I have had either the misfortune or the…adventure of dating from time to time. Here’s an example of what I might have to put up with. The other night I was out with friends for a drink. This guy decided I was beautiful, but like most lines after a few drinks we must examine them like insects crawling across our sandwiches. Motives are always suspect because often the guy wants nothing more than to be the cream in your coffee. And lo and behold this guy told me he loved me. I said, “No you don’t. You’ve just met me.”
Do they really think that will work? It didn’t work when I was 20 and it doesn’t work now. He proceeded to say he really wanted to date me and that he didn’t just want sex but a relationship, but he was all over me and that turned me off. It adds a teaspoon of cynicism right at the beginning.
But really, this post is about muffins. Sort of. For a short spate, I dated someone this summer. He worked in a muffin factory. These muffins were dense, moist, full of flax and sturdy enough to keep me filled for half a day. That description doesn’t work for the man, but he sometimes gave me a few muffins to take home. I ate the last one today. I haven’t been eating them throughout all this time but the muffin lasted in my fridge through August and September. No mold and mostly still moist. The relationship on the other hand, lasted five dates, or over about six weeks. The muffin had staying power and might have been the better part of the deal. All I can go on is what I got.
But muffins have it easy. They only have to relate with your digestive system. And though that can cause its own havoc, the communication is fairly straightforward. You either like or don’t like the taste, eat, feel full, and then your body processes the nutrients into wanted and not wanted, and then you get rid of the rest. Hmmm, maybe a relationship is a lot like eating.
However, communication seems to be one of those weird things that takes more twists and turns than food sliding through your gut. I have enough male friends who are in relationships they aren’t happy with, but they won’t leave their partner. Why? Well, some argue that “she wouldn’t survive without me.” I call this reverse egotism. The man decides that the woman is incapable of moving on or existing without him, when somehow she did so before they met. Often it’s really because the man doesn’t know if he’d survive on his own, he’s never broken up with a woman, or he’s afraid of his loneliness.
On the dating end, I’ve had a guy give me his phone number but it was a dud number. So why did he even bother? I was not going to die if he didn’t give me his number in the first place. And often we’ll hear, I just need space, I want to be alone right now, or nothing, just silence. If these phrases are lies instead of the truth, we’re bound to find out, as I have. I can actually live quite easily with someone saying, “I just don’t think this relationship will work,” or “I’m actually interested in someone else” to some other far-fetched and less truthful statement.Especially if I’ve only had a date or two. My emotional investment is pretty low and I’m capable of moving on and forgetting I actually dated the person.
You’d think people could just say the truth, be honest. But somehow they believe a little lie will be less painful than the truth. I have used “men” here in my analogies because that’s who I’ve dated but I think in some instances these scenarios would hold true for women. Except I bet that a woman who is done with a relationship is more likely to leave it, overall, than say “he couldn’t survive without me.”
So in the meantime, between these dates where the ingredients are missing or suspect, I’ll stick to home cooking and leave it to the food to communicate with my body. That at least is always an honest interaction.
Thanks to anaumi for the picture: http://i629.photobucket.com/albums/uu13/anaumi/muffin.jpg