Errr, Bachelorette Parties?

Well, I was going to write on something completely different today and really, I’m in perfect turmoil about actually giving more air time to this guy named Roissy http://roissy.wordpress.com/2008/08/11/i-hate-bachelorette-parties/. However, I happened to read his blog and had several thoughts of my own.

The guy knows how to use his words to incite, inflame and I suppose invigorate his readers (imagine manly men  here). He has some points about bachelorette parties where women do stupid games and become sexually suggestive/aggressive. But yikesorama, how oh how, does this paint these particular guys who cheer Roissy, bed a different woman every night, and eschew marriage as being in a better light?

Here are a few examples of the male superiority exhibited in this blog: All I want to do when I see the girl wearing the white veil is shoot a load of my hot spunk in her hair until she’s crying that I’ve ruined her $300 wedding coif. Wow… Your hot spunk. Well that’s obviously the more highbrow response that in no way whatsoever is as immature and animalistic as what these women do.

He goes on to say that bachelorette parties come in two types: the bride is the hottest in the bunch or the ugliest. Maybe he should stop looking at everything through his Roissy colored beer glasses. Don’t get me wrong; I have never been out on such a low grade, cheesy bachelorette party (a lot seem to take place in Texas?) and they’re tacky but when he says, In my experience, bachelorette parties are dead-ends for pickup, it sounds an awful lot like, wah wah, sour grapes that I can’t find a bride to be to screw right now and add another notch to my studly belt.

I’ve written erotica and edited for erotic publishers but I learned a new word today: cockblocking; when a woman’s friend stops her drunken buddy from going off to screw with any dog boy looking for a place to put his bone. I guess I just don’t frequent those high class joints with women rubbing crotch to crotch with guys, or where guys are down on the ground with their noses up everyone’s skirts. (Thank god!)

Here is where I think Roissy is actually trying on purpose and fairly obviously to incite his readers. He’s probably married with children but likes to stir the pot from his armchair: There is no good reason for a girl who is about to vow sexual fidelity to the man she loves for the rest of her life to suck from a veiny penis-shaped straw and dare horny drunk men to bite candies from the necklace nestled in her cleavage. (The bachelor party is perfectly acceptable because men sacrifice a lot more when they get married.)  Excuse me while I laugh at this ludicrous image. Women should of course be chaste and sweet and at home cooking and warming the man’s slippers/bed and never have a wild moment, but men…well men are supposed to thump their chests, scratch their large and pendulous balls and swing from the trees picking up every Jane and giving her a good fuck to confirm their manly virility even if they are going to be shackled to one woman for the rest of their lives. Because they lose soooo much more. Personally, low class girls and low class guys (as exhibited in Roissy’s tales) deserve each other.

Roissy does wisely say: Word to the wise: $20K on an engagement ring won’t banish the inner whore from your dearly beloved. Save your money. And likewise, the guy who does or doesn’t have his engagement/wedding ring on is also playing with his inner whore. Somehow it’s always a woman who is a slut, whore, skank if she sleeps around, but a man…oh he’s just being manly and sewing his oats. It’s too bad Roissy’s most riled up because these types of women act exactly like the men he likes to hang out with. Looking in the mirror is sometimes a bit of an eye opener, isn’t it?

In my book, skanky bachelor and bachelorette parties that have the soon to be married trawling bars for cheap sex thrills tells me these people have too many doubts to be getting married. And friends that egg them on…aren’t really friends. But there is one big saving grace in Roissy’s blog and many of the commenters; they hate marriage. Hopefully this will keep them from breeding and making more egotistical men and women who think their world is a better place of crotch cruising.

Me, I guess I’ll just keep going to the places that actually seem to have people in them, that have neither bachelor nor bachelorette parties. Sure there are always the guys out to get laid (and women too) but anyone with any sense can usually figure that out and decide if it’s a good venture. There are classier ways to do it than fingering someone at the bar too. And yeah, I now feel superior about my attitude but only because I like to think that I have taste.

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3 Comments

Filed under Culture, entertainment, humor, relationships, sex

3 responses to “Errr, Bachelorette Parties?

  1. Patrick Bateman

    Think about the biological reasons why sluts are low quality and Casanova’s are high quality.

    I’m not sure you can call it male superiority. Roissy supporters prefer traditional gender roles.

  2. Well, this whole argument has put me off the concept of marriage. And the concept of parties to celebrate it before it happens. And the concept of penis shaped straws, which I was already pretty sure I was against to begin with. So well done.

  3. “Roissy”, huh? Is he actually from somewhere near Charles de Gaulle airport, or is he just a big fan of The Story of O?

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