Tips on How to Survive the Apocalypse

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Surviving the zombie apocalypse means having food in storage. From: http://eleusinianmysteriesofreading.blogspot.ca

After surviving three months of the Apocalypse Diet, where I bought no food and lived off of what was in my place, I have learned a few things. In the event of an apocalypse (choose your poison), whether earthquake, alien invasion, uber contagious supervirus, zombies or a gadzillion insects attacking, how long would you survive? Looking at the necessities before battling the foe, that would be the basic creature comforts: a safe place to sleep, food and water.

It’s always good to have either frozen or sealed jugs of sterile water stored, which will keep indefinitely. In Vancouver, we sometimes get “boil water” advisories when the water table is high or there’s been an issue (rare) with the water system. You’ll want a few other items such as easily accessible flashlights, lighters and candles. You might have tools on your list but food is going to matter most. If the power cut out, then whatever you had in your freezer would have to be eaten first, starting with the meats as they thawed. Extra ice would help, or a cool place outside such as a ground cellar. Probably learning how to pickle items would help or how to salt meats if you had a full-on freezer with too many items rotting.

One thing that was absolutely essential in having fresh vegetables throughout my experiment was a low humidity fridge. It removes so much moisture that foods dry out as opposed to mulching down. I once had grapes turn to raisins over three months in my fridge (yes, another experiment). The secret is to leave as many out of the bags as possible or leave them loosely bagged. Items with high water content such as lettuce, spinach, zucchini will rot first, no matter what. Root vegetables will last longest. Apples will last longer than berries.

And of course, it’s important to have a lot of carbohydrates stored: potatoes, yams, rice, quinoa, pasta, flour, barley, beans, etc. I had all of these items and still hadn’t quite run out after three months. I learned some interesting things about eating patterns while eating for the apocalypse. I did eat less. I stretched out my vegetables and proteins by upping the carb content. Carbs fill you up. This explains diets of people who are poor. They’re often undernourished and eat too many fats and carbs, the easiest and cheapest way to feel full. I’ve heard people arrogantly say before that a person who is “fat” should just “lose weight.” It’s not always that easy without knowing the backgrounds, such as physical, mental or environmental disorders.  I consider poverty an environmental disorder.

I also rediscovered some foods; that barley is actually tasty and bulgar wheat isn’t bad, that potato flour can’t be substituted for

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May the apocalypse be nothing more than a nightmare. From deviantart.com, artist: arcipello

rice or wheat flour in baking, that coconut milk, peanut butter and soy sauce make a quick and easy Thai curry. I am a food concocter at the best of times, throwing in this and that, so some dishes I never commented on as they’re my normal range of mad scientist fare. An adaptable mind will help as supplies run out.

As well, I found the archaic beasts that had lived in my cupboards for far too long: the raisins (gone to the neighbor), really dead prunes, a host of dried fruit I don’t eat, sauerkraut that will outlive cockroaches. I used up a lot of little bits of this and that but still have the fruit from liqueurs I made about ten years ago. I need to make muffins of this or throw it out. If the apocalypse happened in a month or two I’m sure I could survive another three months as I’ve restocked quickly. Buying in bulk is often cheaper. If it’s the growing season it won’t be as bad for fresh food, even if my freezer is relatively empty. Here’s to surviving the apocalypse.

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5 Comments

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5 responses to “Tips on How to Survive the Apocalypse

  1. Bunny Eats Design

    Congratulations on lasting 3 months. I’ve been thinking lately about my pantry and frozen supply and it’s pretty low. I always hope that the apocalypse doesn’t strike the day before shopping day.

    What was your most delicious apocalypse meal?

    • colleenanderson

      I think it might have been the apocalypse pottage, the combo of canned tomatoes, beets, barley, quinoa and tuna that I made in the Days 67-72. I’ll have to try that again. Also the molasses banana bread wasn’t bad but I’ll think I’ll try it half and half next time.

  2. S.Z. Williams

    My god! Three months is an amazing feat. I’ve accepted that I’ll probably die within a week in the event of a zombie apocalypse.

  3. So dumb. While all you kids are preparing for the “zombie apocalypse” North Korea is out there developing nuclear weapons, the radical militant Arabs have probably got dirty bombs ready to go in some carry-on luggage, and the world economy is nearing collapse. Yeah, brain-eaters are what you should be worried about.

    • colleenanderson

      Ever heard, if we don’t laugh, we’ll cry? I think you’ll see, if you look at some of my other posts, that I don’t just imagine a zombie world but talk about a range of issues, some very serious. So while you believe the world should be only doom in gloom, keep in mind that I’m a writer and one of the areas I write in is speculative fiction. Welcome to a harmless speculation, grandad. We cannot only be consumed by the dire in this world or we will wither away and be nothing but zombies. While you’re grumping that we “kids” are not taking the world seriously enough, know that several cities are using the zombie scenario to get people to pay attention to earthquake preparedness.

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