Apocalypse Diet Summary: Days 59-60

eating, zombie food, apocalypse diet, food, cooking

What zombies eat. See below for what I eat. Creative Commons: geekstir.com

Apocalypse Diet (AD) Day 59 (Feb. 28):

I think I figured out one way that I’ve not seen so far to deter zombies from chomping on a limb. This came while eating my veggie chili last night (with quinoa). Okay, so zombies are not gourmands. They’re happy to nosh on any fleeting limb, any fresh brain. They don’t care about herbs or spices or rubs or seasonings. If it’s fresh and raw, that’s all that matters. Now citrus repulses mosquitoes and rue works for cats, so what if  I coated myself in hot sauce? Think of it. Zombie goes to bite me and recoils in eye melting horror, then claws its face apart to get rid of the bad taste.

The only problem, well I might still get bitten and if it’s a gore spewing, super viral zombie such as in 28 Days Later, then I’m doomed to be a hot zombie. But maybe the smell would throw them off. And if that’s the case, then the other way would be rub rotting meat all over yourself so that they think you’re already dead. Again, that might be terribly gagarific but we do amazing things to stay alive.

While I was pondering ways to evade zombies last night I found frozen bananas in the freezer. Banana bread! Did I have flour? Yes. Did I have eggs? Yes. And sugar? Well, I have sugar cubes and I already know it takes pounding a lot of sugar cubes to get 2/3 of a cup. But what else? Maple syrup. Hmm, could work. No honey as I don’t like it. Sorry, bees. So I grabbed my trusty rusty book called Substituting Ingredients and they mention molasses. You know those dead soldiers that hide in your cupboards and fridges for years? I have two half containers of molasses. I won’t be making banana bread tonight but I foresee this happening in the next week.

The food for the day was pollo en mole with rice for lunch. I had a brownie snack. In the evening I went for dinner with a friend and had a massive jerk chicken roti, and ate the whole thing. It actually looked a bit like a week-old zombie leg.

Apocalypse Diet (AD) Day 60 (Feb. 29):

soup stock, zombies, Apocalypse Diet, end of the world, diets, eating, brains, food

What lies in the murky depths? Beans, barley, chicken, celery, carrot, onion for a tasty soup.

Yes, it’s Day 60, AD! Leap day and two months of buying no food. For breakfast, a brownie. :) For lunch the yummy chicken barley bean soup. Tonight is wing’s night with the boys so I’ll be having wings and cider. No calories on leap day I hear.

On trying to outwit and outlive the zombies, if I was venturing outdoors do you think I’d wear a T-shirt that bared my neck and arms, the most favorite eating spots for zombies? No way. If I couldn’t get a full-on hazmat suit and many big guns and machetes, I’d wrap myself in as many layers as possible, and tape things around my neck. Okay, they could maybe bite off my ears and nose, but I’d have less gnawable area visible. Seriously, a lot of these zombie movies have people as stupid as the brain-dead undead. Okay, the virus in 28 Days was a rage virus and was super contagious if you got any bodily fluids in your mouth or a cut, but still…

Short for the days this time. Celebrate the Apocalypse!

To recap after my first month on the Apocalypse Diet, I’m pretending that an apocalypse takes place (maybe it’s a supervirus, massive alien abductions or an evil plot), which stops the supply lines (but for the sake of staying healthy and clean, the hydro-electric power and water are still working). Since the Mayan calendar actually shows the ending of one age and the beginning of another, maybe it’s now the Zombie Age (we’ve already had the consumer age).

I am documenting how long I can live on the food in my place, without shopping. Here are my rules:

  1. I cannot buy any food at all.
  2. If going out for dinner, it’s a bubble outside of the experiment. I can take home the leftovers but this isn’t a stop-gap so no ordering pizza.
  3. When I start to run out of proper nutritionally balanced foods I will take vitamins.
  4. When I become bored or am on to only condiments and alcohol, I will end my experiment.
  5. Someone can give me food, for in the post-apocalyptic world we might want to trade or eat together in safety once in a while.
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10 Comments

Filed under Culture, entertainment, food, horror

10 responses to “Apocalypse Diet Summary: Days 59-60

  1. Haha, great post!

    Zombie preparedness is always important. However! Before you slather yourself in hotsauce, remember that zombies don’t feel pain, or at least they never seem to register that they feel pain.

    That hot sauce on your arm would be like ketchup to them because the burning sensation probably wouldn’t happen in their mouths.

    Same for the ragey zombies in 28 Days and Months later. Nothing really deters them.

    Now, covering yourself in spikes would work! They try to take a bite out of you, and instead impale their brains. Put a piece of brain matter or juicy meat at the end of a spike, and they’ll go for it even faster.

    Thanks sharing; the soup looks great by the way. :)

    • colleenanderson

      Alas, you are so right. But I like your idea of walking around like a giant porcupine. Maybe I also just like the idea of walking around in hot sauce too. :D

  2. Re molasses: so many people forget their molasses, but it makes a fantastic, iron-rich treat for those of us with a sweet tooth and weird European palates.

    In order to maximize the ease of use, crack the top a lil and soak the carton in HOT water (not boiling and NOT in the microwave, just standing in a small container of super hot water. By the time the water is nicely hot to the touch (not scalding your bare skin) the molasses are soft and pourable but still thick. If you warm your liquids before you blend your warmed molasses with them, the whole procedure goes much easier, without undue glutenization of the batter.

    I love molasses in my gingerbread, various cookies, and gingercake, it’s a terrific sugar.

    You can use molasses in your beans/chili as well for a deep sweet smokiness no sugar can match.

    I advise you do some extra baking to use some of those eggs, they are always the one thing I miss when I am on my broker months, because without eggs, my baking of filling options is much narrower.

    • colleenanderson

      Thanks for htis info. I knew that I’d have to warm it so it’s not like molassess in January (a description my mother used to use for when we were being too slow) but the other info is very help. Problem with extra baking is that I may not have enough flour, but hidden in that cupboard are little sample of chickpea, rice and other flours that I could combine into some sort of mad experiment.

  3. Love the zombie food pyramid. Also I am amazed that you have enough food at home to last you 2 months. Did you start eating your novelties ;o)?

    • colleenanderson

      My place is full of novelties and novels, but I have yet to slather the pages in jam and gulp them down. Reminds me of a scene from The Cook, The Thief, His Wife and Her Lover.

  4. saw this on Daily Dot and thought immediately of you. http://dailydot.s3.amazonaws.com/uploaded/comic_images/original/2012/2/26/wokingdead.png

    Interestingly the article which linked me to Daily Dot also made me think of you.

    http://www.dailydot.com/society/reddit-whats-in-my-cupboard

    • colleenanderson

      Geeze, they make the recipe mix sound easy. Try brussels sprouts, rice noodles and mussels. Hmmm. But I should check out the concoctions. :D

  5. Have u figured out how much money u have saved by not buying groceries over the last 2 months? I wish I could try this experiment but I think the kids would revolt and try to move in with their dad! I’m mean enough not to give them candy on demand tho. I’m trying to build up enough food in the house to last the family 3 months if we have to. So far I can see 1 month on what we have now. There are 7 of us. Fresh stuff would be gone in a week tho. Almost garden time. (Thank god I won’t be worrying about zombies while I am in the garden)

    • colleenanderson

      It’s hard to say because I never know how much I’ve spent. Since I’m one person and tend to buy a lot of vegetables I’d say probably $160-$200. But I do find I’m going in malls less in general so not window shopping as much. :) I can see how you would have problems keeping food with 7 to feed. And yes, gardening could extend this a lot.

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