Apocalypse Diet (AD) Day 59 (Feb. 28):
I think I figured out one way that I’ve not seen so far to deter zombies from chomping on a limb. This came while eating my veggie chili last night (with quinoa). Okay, so zombies are not gourmands. They’re happy to nosh on any fleeting limb, any fresh brain. They don’t care about herbs or spices or rubs or seasonings. If it’s fresh and raw, that’s all that matters. Now citrus repulses mosquitoes and rue works for cats, so what if I coated myself in hot sauce? Think of it. Zombie goes to bite me and recoils in eye melting horror, then claws its face apart to get rid of the bad taste.
The only problem, well I might still get bitten and if it’s a gore spewing, super viral zombie such as in 28 Days Later, then I’m doomed to be a hot zombie. But maybe the smell would throw them off. And if that’s the case, then the other way would be rub rotting meat all over yourself so that they think you’re already dead. Again, that might be terribly gagarific but we do amazing things to stay alive.
While I was pondering ways to evade zombies last night I found frozen bananas in the freezer. Banana bread! Did I have flour? Yes. Did I have eggs? Yes. And sugar? Well, I have sugar cubes and I already know it takes pounding a lot of sugar cubes to get 2/3 of a cup. But what else? Maple syrup. Hmm, could work. No honey as I don’t like it. Sorry, bees. So I grabbed my trusty rusty book called Substituting Ingredients and they mention molasses. You know those dead soldiers that hide in your cupboards and fridges for years? I have two half containers of molasses. I won’t be making banana bread tonight but I foresee this happening in the next week.
The food for the day was pollo en mole with rice for lunch. I had a brownie snack. In the evening I went for dinner with a friend and had a massive jerk chicken roti, and ate the whole thing. It actually looked a bit like a week-old zombie leg.
Apocalypse Diet (AD) Day 60 (Feb. 29):
Yes, it’s Day 60, AD! Leap day and two months of buying no food. For breakfast, a brownie. For lunch the yummy chicken barley bean soup. Tonight is wing’s night with the boys so I’ll be having wings and cider. No calories on leap day I hear.
On trying to outwit and outlive the zombies, if I was venturing outdoors do you think I’d wear a T-shirt that bared my neck and arms, the most favorite eating spots for zombies? No way. If I couldn’t get a full-on hazmat suit and many big guns and machetes, I’d wrap myself in as many layers as possible, and tape things around my neck. Okay, they could maybe bite off my ears and nose, but I’d have less gnawable area visible. Seriously, a lot of these zombie movies have people as stupid as the brain-dead undead. Okay, the virus in 28 Days was a rage virus and was super contagious if you got any bodily fluids in your mouth or a cut, but still…
Short for the days this time. Celebrate the Apocalypse!
To recap after my first month on the Apocalypse Diet, I’m pretending that an apocalypse takes place (maybe it’s a supervirus, massive alien abductions or an evil plot), which stops the supply lines (but for the sake of staying healthy and clean, the hydro-electric power and water are still working). Since the Mayan calendar actually shows the ending of one age and the beginning of another, maybe it’s now the Zombie Age (we’ve already had the consumer age).
I am documenting how long I can live on the food in my place, without shopping. Here are my rules:
- I cannot buy any food at all.
- If going out for dinner, it’s a bubble outside of the experiment. I can take home the leftovers but this isn’t a stop-gap so no ordering pizza.
- When I start to run out of proper nutritionally balanced foods I will take vitamins.
- When I become bored or am on to only condiments and alcohol, I will end my experiment.
- Someone can give me food, for in the post-apocalyptic world we might want to trade or eat together in safety once in a while.